Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Pt. 2

old writing

Last week, I shared with you a horrific piece of writing from my past which entailed a group of cat shape-shifting vampires who died by turning to glitter in the sunlight and were obsessed with drinking rainwater. It’s terrible. It’s worse than terrible. It’s a Greek tragedy. As much as it pains me to continue sharing said story with you, it’s good to have the reminder that this was a long time ago…and I’ve learned a lot since then. A LOT. When I read the old writing, I can’t help but laugh and really, that is all that’s important now. Since this particular story had several chapters, I’ll be sharing sections of this with you over the coming weeks. It’s all for entertainment value now. I’ll be including comments in brackets throughout the piece which are my declarations of “Really? REALLY!?” I’ve left the spelling-errors in so you can have the full experience of awful. Prepare to laugh…and maybe cry…and definitely face-palm.

A flash of white light blinded Leeta’s sight. Lightning. Her fur stood on end as she looked at the jade colored forest beneath the clouds of fog.

Sylvia was still there but knowing her she could leave when ever she felt was needed. [?] A knock on the door made her shiver accompanied by the rumble of thunder.

“Who is it?” she answered with a slight chill. Melanie came in, the door wide and for everyone to see.


From behind Melanies body, Leeta could make out Milo and Reed in the living room watching the television on the cobalt blue couch. The lighting was bright and there was an aroma coming from the kitchen which meant either Sylvia had teleported herself back and was making dinner [say WHAT?] or Seth was back and was making anything but dinner. [I like that those are the only two options.]

Seth couldn’t cook worth crap in Melanie’s words yet the two got along fine. [Apparently not…] Seth usually wasn’t back this early which meant it was Sylvia. He would spend late nights out in the park or driving the block on his black motorcycle going 100 or 110 miles an hour. […Around the block. 100 mph. Every night. Such a calming activity.]

Ìîòîöèêë íà òðàññå

Melanie slammed the door absentmindedly and walked over to the window.

“Hey! Wanna go to DJ’s for a glass of beer?” […Vampires that drink beer. Just…rainwater and beer.] Melanie was your typical street girl. [Ugh…] She had short straight blue hair with a nose ring and emarald green eyes. She usually wore black leather pants and a China red cotten shirt with Donald Duck angrilly yelling something which usually means cartoon swearing. Over it she had a matching black leather jacket and a metal chain necklace with “Purr” written at the bottom.

[I. Am. Crying. I. Am. Dying.]

“What about…ya know?” Leeta asked staring at the sky.

“The Sun? We’ll leave before it ever comes up with hours to spare.” She felt almost certain they would be back before anything remotely dangerous happened.

“Will they care?” Leeta questioned, pointing to the two almost vegitated guys behind the door. [So…they’re high or they’re in comas?]

“Why would they? Those two never have any fun anyway. One plays the piano, the other was a cop. [SO BORING.] What’s he going to do shoot me?” she joked. [That seems a little extreme!]

“Good point,” she said and turned back toward Melanie, “Let me change first, she quietly said.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be right outside when your ready.” Melanie said surprised that she had excepted the offer. She opened the door and backed out then left a crack of it open. [WHY NOT CLOSE IT ALL THE WAY?]

[The change happens from cat to human. If you’re eating, thinking about eating, recently ate, or ever have the desire to eat again, I’ve omitted this just for you. You’re welcome.]

[Our heroine gets dressed and leaves the ultra-private room.] Melanie turned around and smiled. “Hey! You look great!” She turned to Milo and Reed who were still gazing at the t.v.. “Errrr…guys,” Melanie tried. Milo put up a finger which told her they needed one more minute. “The…food in the oven. It’s smokeing.” She said. Reed whipped around seeing the oven almost exploding with black smoke. [Sounds worse than one of my Cooking Adventures…] He hopped over the couch and almost slipped on the floor, the humitity in the room had made the floor wet, just like a bathroom after a hot shower. [WHAT? What crazy logic is this? Do they live in a sauna?]

Milo twitched a little and turned to make sure Reed had it under control before he turned back to the t.v. Melanie sighed and kicked Milo in the leg.

He howled in pain and stared at her like he was innocent of something. “What?!”

“Go help Reed. Your movie can wait.” she commanded.

“But…” he studdered, looking at the television then the kitchen. Reed had opened the oven and let out a wave of smoke. He was opening windows frantically triing [facepalm] to air out the room. His stare caught hers for a minute but then he began to choke on the smoke rising from the dish.

kitchen fire

“Go.” she [Melanie] ordered again. Milo’s eyes rolled as he got up and walked to the kitchen. Melanie chuckled and turned back to Leeta.

“Ok,” they heard in the distance. “The fire’s out.” Milo was sweating as he shouted to the girls.

“No! You missed a spot!” She saw Reed yell as he squirted it with the fire extinguisher. The nozzel sprayed white powder all over the burnt dish. [How did I manage to spell “extinguisher” right and not “nozzle”?] With the fire out, he set the cantine on the floor and wiped his brow with a dish rag. “Anyone for tuna noodle oxide.” he asked, shutting all the windows.

“We’ll pass. We’re going to DJ’s for a drink.” Melanie shouted back. [No need to shout; they’re right there.]

“No highly toxic dinner for you either?” Milo asked Leeta who was playing with her necklace.

“Uh…no. I’m not hungry.” she replied, caught off guard. [What? You’re speaking to ME? Don’t you have some rainwater you should be attending to?]

Reed emerged from the smoke-filled room, his hair tossled and face dirty. He looked at them both, but he looked longer at Leeta. [Oooooooo!]

“You both look great. Hope you have a good time.” he said slouching down on the couch. She caught his eyes once more admiring his; they were a light slate blue. She broke the contact and heading out the door. Melanie followed shortly after.

Stay tuned for the continuance of Reedio and Leetiet: Cat-pires in love!



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