Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Part 3

Old Writing

Welcome to part 3 of the worst vampire story you’ve ever read. That’s right, I’ve been going through some of my old grammar school writing and sharing with you the nitty-gritty, the kind of writing that should be kept in a filing cabinet with a lock chained around it in a dark basement somewhere. Alas, for humor’s sake, it’s been let into the light and now we’ll examine it for the travesty that it is.

As this is a continuing series, I’ll fill you in on what’s happened so far: absolutely nothing. Well, so far we’ve been introduced to a coven of “glam-pires” that can turn into cats at will, desire rainwater as their main delicacy (besides the occasional chicken dipper platter or tuna noodle casserole). There’s Leeta, our protagonist, the wallflower who thinks herself above the others, Sylvia, the wise hippie who likes to go walk in the woods, Milo, the “too nice” ex-cop, Seth, the daredevil who randomly rides his motorcycle around the block at “100 mph every night”, Melanie, the “typical street girl” with her blue hair, Donald Duck swearing shirt, and leather pants (snigger) and Reed, the depressing pianist who can’t cook to save his life (well, he’s dead so I suppose that doesn’t matter). Leeta and Reed hit it off at the very end of the last episode before Melanie dragged her out to a club for drinks (more rainwater I presume?). Let’s follow them and see what other mishaps our heroes will get into…

They walked through the rain in silence as it dripped threw their hair and beaded on there [argh] eyelashes. Melanie finally broke the silence.

“So, why’d ya come?” she asked soflty. The rain pounding on the sidewalk almost made it impossible for Leeta to hear her but she answered what she thought the question was.

“It was getting muggy and I needed to be outside like I craved it. And going to a bar, I haven’t done that in a while.”

“Oh.” Melanie said kicking a rock. She noticed the “J” on the jean jacket and kicked the stone down a drain.

“J?” she asked. “Does it stand for jacket?” [YES, MELANIE. IT STANDS FOR JACKET. GREAT DEDUCTION.]

Leeta turned and gave a sigh with a slight shiver. The rain dripped down the back of her neck and her shoulders like icy fingers pricking her skin. [I’m sorry but if the rain is “pounding on the sidewalk” she’s going to be drenched.] She didn’t want to tell her but she figured the truth was safer than another lie.

“It means Jerry.”

“Jerry? Jerry who?” Melanie asked, aplying the raspberry lipcolor. The rain rolled down the stick creating a puddle at the bottem of the tube. She flipped it over trying to get it out. [Still raining hard, isn’t it?]

“Jerry Challenger. My fiancee.” she said, her eyes gazing at the sidewalk. Melanie slowed and put her hand on Leeta’s shoulder.

“Sorry. I didn’t…” she started.

“No. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t have it happen a week before your wedding day.”

“I was going to the olympics before it happened to me.” Melanie confessed. [Sure you were, Melanie, you nutcase.] “You don’t wear the ring?”

“I can’t, we’re not getting married on Thursday anymore. But I look down and I can still feel it.” she said, examining her finger.

“I know what you mean.” [HOW?]

The rest of the walk sat silent between them. DJ’s was a dance party club located in an abandoned apartment building. [Sounds like a great place…] The windows were broken on the other building entrances. This one had no windows at the entrance. The entrance was unnoticable at first, the door was pushed back in a little and there were 3 steps leading up to it. [I swear if I used “entrance” one more time…] Above the door a sign brightly colored said DJ’s. It was even harder to see it when it was raining.

Melanie went to the door and knocked once. Then she rang the bell 3 times and knocked 4 times. [What the hell kind of “dance party club” is this?] A guy came to the door with a mucsle tight t-shirt and big muscles. He was the bouncer no doubt. [No doubt…]

“Mel.” he said letting her pass. He stopped at Leeta and looked at her suspiciously. Melanie returned and grabbed Leeta’s arm.

“S’ok, A, just a friend; she’s cool.”

Leeta felt the yank as Melanie tugged her over to the bar. The place was big with a stage on the left of the studio. On the right was the bar while all in between was the dance floor. Strobe lights lined the entire dance floor with studio lights beaming down from the ceiling. A projection light showed bubbles of purple, red, and blue on the floor. [Bubbles?] The music was cranked on max and people were dancing on the speakers. The floor was crowded with people dancing and grooving to the music. [Oh man…] Apart from the various flashing lights the room was dim and dismal. [Dismal? Maybe they weren’t very good dancers…] She recognised Avril Lavigne singing “Losing Grip” on the cd. [If that gives you any indication of how pathetic this dance club is.]

The bar was basically a circle for the counter and an inner one for the various drinks. The woman manning it had on baggy black jeans and a tank top with clouds on it. She had pink hair which almost seemed to show up in the dark. [Wow. So edgy.]

“DJ!” Melanie yelled to the pink haired woman. DJ came over, chewing gum at the corner of her mouth; the fragrance reached out to Leeta. Grape. “Mel! What are you and your friend having?” DJ said with a smile.

“I’ll have a small glass of dragonfruit, and Leeta will have agave cactus juice.” Melanie ordered and winked at Leeta. […….WWWWHAT? Is this a plant extract juice bar? A progressive health bar in the midst of mediocre 90’s music and bubble lights?] Then she leaned over to her and said “Don’t worry, it’s like cherry and lemon almost.”

“I’m sure.” Leeta agreed staring around at everyone else. The song had changed to “Bump in the Night” by Allstars. [If you’re not farmiliar with this track…it is from the meh Scooby-Doo movie they made a while back. And…it’s not a song one dances to at a juice club rave. Or maybe they do. Listen and weep.] She recognized her friend, Kylie, who was sitting alone drinking a type of alchohal. [So they DO serve alcohol there!] Staring out at the dance floor, she saw Melanie dancing with Seth [motorcycle dude] who must have just arrived. The air was humid and it almost took the breath from her lungs. [Don’t tell me this all takes place in a sauna again…] A cold shiver ran up her back as she turned to take a drink of the juice.

She saw the stake instantly at her chest and rose to fend off her attacker.

“Jerry?” she whispered remembering his face instantly. He had a look of grimace and discust on his face.

“You’re one of them. I should dust you right now for taking my life.” he said, jabbing the stake at her. [So apparently, being a cat-pire is public knowledge…]

“Oh! Now this is my fault!? It coudl have just as easilly happened to you!” Leeta yelled back, her eyes mimicking her cats. They glowed green, as she tried to stare him down.

“You look like Leeta and I keep forgeting that’s exactly who your not.” he quietly mentioned, not intimidated by her. [Jerry’s a little confused…]

“You know, if you came here to scare me, its not working.” Leeta hissed.

“You don’t know how much this has ruined my life! Leeta was sweet and gentle, everything but what you’ve made her become.” [Jeez, someone must really hate cats!] His eyes saddened the look that he was innocent of all things considered like everything was her fault. [What the hell kind of sentence was that?] Leeta glared, feeling claws sprout from her fingers. All of a sudden, Melanie was in front of her, her emerald eyes beaming with anger at Jerry. He gave a short snicker and stared at Melanie like she was no threat.

“Oh, you brought a friend.” he said with no surprise in his voice. [“You never had friends when we were engaged…”]

“Friends,” Seth appeared before Melanie his eyes illuminated gold just like Melanie and Leeta’s. “Go home, party-crasher.” [Oooooo!]


Jerry backed off but didn’t lose his menacing stare.

“I’ll get you when your alone.” he quietly said to her.

“No guarantees there, Jerry, were always going to be around, so don’t bet on getting your revenge anytime soon,” Melanie shouted after him. [“Maybe later though!”] He didn’t turn around as he pushed through the crowd with anger.

Leeta felt her fingers return as she kept the scoul, breathing deeply.

“I never pictured you as a Challanger.” Melanie said still staring at Jerrry as he left the door.

“I could have handled it on my own.” Leeta growled, turning to Melanie and Seth.

“You were flipping out! you can’t turn into miss slice and dice in the middle of a crowd.” she assured her.

“I could have handled it anyway. I don’t need anyone sticking up for me, anybody!” She screamed trudging through the crowd. Melanie and Seth stared after her blankly.

What will happen after Leeta gets over her hissy-fit? Will Jerry get his revenge? Will they all drink more juice and rainwater? Find out next week!



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