Banana-morphs Cooking Adventure

Banana-morphs1 copy

Warning: This video does contain a plethora of adult language in the bloopers. This is probably the most aggravating Cooking Adventure I’ve ever attempted. And while it looks as though it came out all right at the end of the video, I can assure you that it did not…

Banana Cream Pie: it’s really not that easy to make at all. It’s been something I’ve always wanted to try and because I’d just bought a ton of bananas, I figured I’d give it a shot. I was feeling a bit sentimental about a book series I used to read as a kid called “Animorphs” by K.A. Applegate. The story revolved around a group of kids who were endowed with special animal morphing abilities and tasked with saving the planet from an alien race called the Yeerk. I decided the series would be the theme of this particular Cooking Adventure.

If only it had gone easier. Pre-made pie crust is more evil than it is convenient. I had the damndest time trying to get it not to collapse in the pie plate, something I’ve never had an issue with before. On top of that, I had to deal with a bubbling cauldron of pie filling at the same time. Hooray…

I had put the pie into the fridge in order to chill it and solidify the custard. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. The custard melted into a weird yellow gelatin goo which quickly spread underneath the pie crust. I froze it, hoping to prevent anymore oozing and then discovered that I couldn’t cut it in order to remove a piece and eat it. Eventually, after several phases of melting and freezing, the bananas turned brown and I had a pie that resembled the worst parts of the black plague. I’m sure there must have been something I did wrong while mixing ingredients but I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what.

Scroll down to take a peek at the recipe, purported to be the “best banana cream pie ever”, and if you feel so inclined, follow the blog or subscribe to the page! Cheers!

Banana Cream Pie (from Hell)


1 Pie crust (They made their own in the original recipe; I used store bought to save time; I probably should have made it though)

Can of Whipped Cream Topping (Again, the original recipe has directions for making your own. I, again, chose to use store bought, lest the video run for half an hour…)

For the Filling:

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/4 cup cornstarch

1/8 tsp salt

1/2 cup evaporated milk

5 egg yolks (I think I accidentally used 4. Damn)

2 cups whole milk

2 tbsp. unsalted butter

2 tsp. vanilla extract

2 firm ripe bananas (This description kills me.)


Allow your pie crust dough to warm to room temperature before laying it over the pie plate. I did this…and it still cracked all over the place. Make sure to press the pie dough down onto the plate in order to get out any bubbles from underneath, lest they become trapped and decide to destroy your recipe in a covert fashion. Also ensure that your pie crust rim will not collapse down into the pie plate like mine did by pressing it securely around the rim. I had to make the pie crust for this recipe twice…and both times it wasn’t ideal. I’d recommend using a pie plate that has the ripples around the rim. The dough stays better.

Bake that pie crust for 15 minutes or until it begins to brown and let it cool. The original recipe tells you to let it chill first for a half an hour on the pie plate, then put pie weights on it and let it bake for 30 minutes. Also to put tin foil around the edges so that it doesn’t burn. I thought that was maybe a little overkill. We’re not trying to win a pie contest at the local fair. We’re going to eat it. If I had done all that, I probably wouldn’t have been so fed up but it seems like a lot of extra steps just to make a pie.

In a saucepan on the stove top, whisk together sugar, cornstarch, and salt with evaporated milk, milk, and egg yolks. This should give you a smooth liquid. It also helps if you add the eggs before you turn on the burner. You don’t want scrambled eggs in your banana cream pie. Bring your gooey mixture to a simmer and let it thicken for a minute or so. At this point, you can remove the pan from the heat and add in your vanilla and and butter. Stir everything together and let the mixture cool. Again, the original recipe says that it only takes 5 minutes to allow the custard to cool until “warm”. That’s the biggest understatement ever. You’ve got to wait at least 10-15 minutes. Otherwise, it’s too hot.

Pour half of your filling into the cooled pie crust. Place sliced bananas on top of filling. Pour the rest of the custard over the bananas. Here’s another point of contention that I have with the recipe. They say that if you put the bananas in between to layers of custard that they won’t blacken. Bullshit. I did this and my bananas still blackened. Not the most appetizing thing to look at when your trying to eat banana cream pie. Grr…

Allow the pie to chill for up to 4 hours. Place banana slices on top of the pie along with whipped cream and chocolate shavings for garnish. Serve and…unless your pie turned out like mine…enjoy!

Stay tuned for the next Literary Cooking Adventure!



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