Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing – Station Twelve Part 3

Horror-FAIL Friday’s My OLD Writing blog is a series which introduces stories I wrote when I was younger accompanied by realizations, comments, and general WTF observations that occur to me while I read these. Some of these stories I haven’t read in over ten years. The comments are provided in brackets within the text. I’ve also kept bad spelling and other grammatical errors so you have the full effect of how awful it was.

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve posted anything on the Horror-FAIL Friday blog, so I wanted to get back into it this evening. We’ll be continuing with this awful story that I wrote in 7th grade about Jay, the secret agent, who is attempting to enjoy a skiing vacation in Vermont. Too bad Jay is having nightmares about somersaulting down the mountain like a total noob. He also brought along his gal pal, Alice, who seems to be way too enthusiastic about the whole affair. I’m also not entirely sure she knows he’s a secret agent. Let’s continue to follow their pathetic story, shall we?

Advertisement

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing – Station Twelve Part 2

Welcome back to the next entry in my latest OLD Writing segment for Horror-FAIL Friday. Last week, we began a new and terrifyingly terrible tale featuring Jay Russel, a work-a-holic secret agent who is going on his first vacation in seven years. Of all the places he’s decided to venture, he chooses the majestic and plainly named Snow Inn in Vermont and goes there along with gal pal, Alice, who is, so far, the most obnoxious female character I’ve ever written. After climbing three floors and hefting enough luggage to last them a year, they find their luxurious hotel room where they decide to immediately fall asleep. And now let’s return and begin a new day with our pathetic protagonists…

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing – NEW STORY!

Welcome back to another episode of My OLD Writing here on Horror-FAIL Friday. This time, I have a real doozy for you. While sorting through a box of old writing projects, I came across one that I wrote for school in 7th grade. So… as far as horrible quality goes, it predates the other two stories that I shared with you and should make for some pretty entertaining reading material. If you’re unfamiliar with the OLD Writing series, here’s what happens. I share a section of a story and provide recent comments/observations in brackets alongside. Here’s the premise of our new old story…

Our protagonist, Jay Russel, who doesn’t seem to be the brightest crayon in the box, is taking a much needed vacation in Canada. He comes across a nefarious plot involving a radio tower on a precarious mountain top and must place himself in danger to uncover what’s happening. Yeah. That’s honestly all I remember. I haven’t pre-read this so all of my reactions below will be genuine. Here we go…

Horror-FAIL Friday: Part 12 of My OLD Writing

Welcome back to the final episode of My OLD Writing on Horror-FAIL Friday. It is a sad and yet joyous day because this turd of a story that I wrote over 12 years ago is finally coming to a close. Be it known that it does not have a resolution; my younger self gave up on it, hopefully because I realized that the idea was stupid and moved on to other projects (probably equally as awful). Here’s what we know…

At an up and up photography school in California, Lila Pullman has become strangely obsessed with her biology teacher, Mr. McFadden. McFadden is mysterious in the way that he doesn’t appreciate the function of curtains or watches, thinks that clouds are a topic fit to teach in biology, and frequently consumes chocolate chip cookies and apple pie together. Oh, and he seems to have some kind of strange astral projection power which causes him to spontaneously bleed. Lila goes to his house to further her investigation which leads to weird flirtation and the question of where Lila grows all of her zillions of tomatoes in the dorm. After becoming lost on the way home like a child in the grocery store, her coddling parent-friends Benny and Samus find her. Samus, a man named after a fictional female Nintendo character, also seems to be having some problems with astral projection; namely that he’s flashing back to when his high school friend, Ross, was randomly murdered during a romantic rendezvous with the moon and some candy bars. Let’s see what we can glean from this last, oh so terrible chapter…

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Part 11

Welcome back to Horror-FAIL Friday’s My OLD Writing. This is a series which catalogs some of the awful writing I did as a weird teen (often works of fantasy, sci-fi, or horror). I share a piece each week (complete with spelling and grammatical errors), comment on some of the dumb things written, and often include a bit of visual comedy to get my point across. It should be noted that I don’t remember half of this stuff that I wrote and having not looked at it in over ten years, I’ve found myself in complete shock, embarrassment, and, often, in stitches because of it. It’s just too good not to share.

In the current story, we’ve been following sophomore Lila Pullman on her quest to figure out just what the deal is with her mysterious science professor, Mr. McFadden. Witnessing him have an episode of some kind while trying to teach them about CLOUD FORMATIONS in a biology class, she goes to his home in order to dig up some more information. This results in the strangest flirtation scene ever written (unless you include anything from 50 Shades of Grey), and establishes the fact that McFadden is the most incompetent liar in the world. Let’s also throw in the fact that she’s his STUDENT. In a side story, Lila’s best friend, Samus, has also experienced flashbacks to the night his friend, Ross, was murdered. Although he was never there. Or was he? Is Samus a sleepwalking fiend? Or just an overly-anxious conspiracy wing-nut who thinks that McFadden is more than he seems. Let’s join our pathetic protagonists.

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Part 10

Welcome back to My OLD Writing, a series for Horror-FAIL Friday where I go back and share some of my earlier (and often terribly written) stories along with side comments and observations wondering what on earth I was thinking. The current story deals with a group of over-dramatic college students at a hoity-toity photography school. Lila has the hots for her new biology teacher, Mr. McFadden, but also doesn’t realize that’s really NOT OKAY. Her best friend, Samus (randomly named after a Nintendo female heroine), is experiencing some strange flashbacks to his friend, Ross’s, death. McFadden is also experiencing these weird bouts while wide awake (trying to teach a biology class about cloud formations). And then, there’s Lila’s cat, Angelo, who needs as much supervision and attention as a dying patient in a geriatric ward for his so-called heart problems. Let’s rejoin the characters and find out what the hell this is all about. Maybe.

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Part 9

Welcome back to the horrific fun that never ends. I’m talking about my old writing. It’s the stuff from over ten years ago that I keep locked in the back of a deep and dark filing cabinet. It’s the stuff that I had almost forgotten all about. But here it is and now we’re about to breathe new life into these often misused and silly words. The story so far goes something like this:

Protagonist Lila attends a fancy shmantsy photography school in California which happens to be on a hill in the center of the town…like some kind of creepy haunted mansion. The first day of her junior year, she and best friend, Samus (who has an affinity for freaking out over the littlest things), meet and greet their new biology teacher, Mr. McFadden. McFadden, for some reason, annoys the ever-loving crap out of both Lila and Samus (perhaps because he doesn’t understand the use of curtains, doesn’t own a watch, and assumes that cloud forms have something to do with human physiology). Needless to say, there is something funny going on with McFadden and Samus, both who have some kind of bizarre episode concurrently during their last class. Samus flashes back to the murder of his friend, Ross, who went off to romantically eat candy bars in the moonlight (I wish I was making that up). McFadden? We have no idea. But Lila, who witnessed both, is genuinely curious and wants to find out more. Let’s join her in her stupid quest for answers.

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Part 8

Welcome back to a story that should have ended before it ever began. I’m referring to a story I composed 12 years ago in my early teens when I had a very tenuous understanding of college life and love. The tale in question revolves around a group of four friends at a photography school in California: Lila, ringleader of the pack with an apparent attraction for annoying science teachers; Samus, the side-kick named after a female Nintendo heroine who manages to overreact about any innuendo; Benny, who’s special ability is to make his dreads spontaneously grow; and Taylor, winner of the most confusing arguments on the planet. The science teacher in question, Mr. McFadden, is still rather mysterious (although kind of dumb, too). Let’s see what else we can discover about the object of everyone’s obsession…

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Part 7

Horror-FAIL Friday returns with the latest episode in “My OLD Writing.” In the last two episodes, we’ve covered the first two chapters of a story that I started writing 12 years ago. As I wasn’t very good at finishing projects, I ended up abandoning this turd of a plot after seven chapters. Good news: you’ve still got five more chapters of barely coherent drivel ahead (and my observations/outrage in brackets alongside). So, let’s play catch up for those of you who want an idea of what’s going on…

Protagonist Lila is a junior at a prestigious photography school with fellow friends, Samus Martix, the man named after a female Nintendo character who’s just shy of being friends with Neo the One; Taylor, the only one we really haven’t met yet; and Benny J, who has the uncanny ability to grow his puny dreadlocks to the point where they interrupt his photography. Mysteriously not with them is their friend, Ross Stark of Winterfell who “lives by the sword”. A new science teacher with a snarky disposition and an inability to be on time for class, has all of these characters in a tizzy, namely Lila and Samus. Lila likes him…maybe a little too much. Samus, decidedly, doesn’t. While nothing horrifying or even the least bit supernatural has happened yet (save for Benny’s intelligent hair), I promise, things start to turn soon. Shall we dive in? Lets!

Horror-FAIL Friday: My OLD Writing Part 6

Welcome back to another episode of My OLD Writing. Step into the time portal and travel back with me 12 years to when I was geeky and awkward (for the record, still kind of am). Last time, we read the first section of a terrible story I started concerning a photography school, our protagonist, Lila, who seems to have a knack for flirting with the profs, her best friend, Samus Martix, a man named after a female superhero with a last name that runs close to “red pill blue pill” if you catch my drift, and of course, the prof himself, Mr. McFadden, who doesn’t understand the function of curtains or their importance. Let’s see what else is in store for these characters as the story continues (because I sure as hell don’t remember what I wrote)…