Horror-FAIL Friday: My Old Writing Part 5


To be honest, it makes me sad when I come across this stuff and read it. This one notebook though…it’s kind of ripe with terrible writing. The first several pages were devoted to my terrible cat-pire story that took up the last four episodes of “My OLD Writing”. Today, we’ll be refocusing on another story; R.E.M.: a story about a photography school in with a really obnoxious female protagonist (with ANOTHER L name), her gender-confused sidekick from Metroid, and the flirty professor she decided to annoy to death her affections. I wrote this directly after I gave up on the cat-pire book. While my spelling isn’t nearly as atrocious as it was in the first one, there are a number of instances where logic doesn’t appear to be on my side. Oddly enough, this story centering around a photography school immediately draws comparisons to Square Enix’s “Life Is Strange”. Believe me…this story is very, very strange.

For your entertainment, I’ve added my comments in brackets. That way, you’ll see everything I’m thinking as I read over this with fresh eyes nearly 12 years after writing it. Let the terrible begin…

The sunlight splashed acrossed her face as she entered the Biology room. The cold breeze was entering through the windows but the sun warmed it, at least what sun was usually showing at 7:40 in the morning. [Oh God, I can already feel the heart palpitations starting.]

The Morse Photography Academy was the leading school for black and white photography in the country. Only the most skilled in that area were allowed to attend. [So, if they already have to be the most skilled, then why do they go?] The large brick structure had about the same sized campus as Harvard Law School but had extra area for photography shooting sites. [And apparently only one building…]

The college was right ont he road at the base of Willow Hill, the most escalated point in Reymont, a town next to the Pacific Ocean. Long Beach was only 5 miles from Reymont, and usually photography students would take trips down there for better lighting. [“Better lighting”.] The campus was located in the town center not far from the street lined with shops and rented apartments. [So, now the campus is in the middle of town and not on the hill? Or is the hill in the middle of town?] Usually, the rooms were filled with students because dorms were limited to upper classman. [Just one upper-classman. The big bully.] Freshman at Morse would need to rent a room in the motel [ewww…] and learn to provide for themselves, then when the seniors graduated the following year, they would move into the old dorms. [How does that make ANY sense?]

Along with the basic photography classes, students had to take English, Geometry, Western Humanities, Home Economics, and Biology. [I’m banging my head against the wall. You just can’t see it.] Students could pick their schedule but they all had to have the same courses.

“Ow!” Lila yelled, blocking the light with her hand. The desk at the head of the room only held a coffee mug with steam rising from it and an IMac lap top computer placed in the middle.

It was Lila Pullman’s 3rd year in college. She had a dorm in the north wing of the academy with her friend, Taylor, who had begun last year. [Why isn’t she staying at the creepy ass motel PROVIDING FOR HERSELF?] She had passed all her classes with either B+ or A+ [no minuses here!] and was always conscious about her work. [Perfectionist.]

She had long dirty blond hair which reached to her shoulders [defying the definition of long] and a pair of thin black framed glasses fitted on her eyes. Around her neck hung a teckinika black and white camera with adjustable lense. She wore a baggy pair of tan pants and a t-shirt with a lightning bolt etched acrossed it. Her shoes were a pair of light blue sketchers which looked small on her. Around her wrist was a blue… [You know what? NO ONE CARES ABOUT ALL HER ACCESSORIES. Get on with it!]

“Whoever has Mr. Scott’s old room needs to know the sun rises on this side in the morning.” she said, slumping into a wooden desk in the front of the room. An African American student entered after her, closing his eyes from the immidiate discomfort.

“You said it.” he seconded, taking desk next to Lila. He wiped his nose with the sleeve of his long sleeve green shirt. “The guy isn’t even on time.” [But his coffee and laptop managed to get there on time.]

“Well, if you want, I can get a watch,” a man who had just entered through the other door was looking at him with a smile on his face. [Why is that funny?] He had golden colored hair and had a blue dress shirt on with a black…[Okay, enough!] He spied Lila who was glaring into the sunlight. “And if you want, I can get some curtains.” He added, while he opened a folder of the days events. [At least they’re not turning into glitter!]

“Boy, what a smart alleck.” The boy whispered over to Lila. [WHAT IS HIS NAME?] She gave a mischevious smile, not taking her eyes off the new teacher.

“I like him. Let’s give him a chance. He doesn’t look as much as a science nut like Mr. Scott.” [What a convoluted and stupid sentence.] she quietly said back. He gave her a contradicary look with his eyes cornering. [And now, his eyes are crossed?]

“Lila…” he whispered, his teeth almost gritting.

“Samus…just give him a chance.” she said back, breaking her eye contact with the new teacher. He gave a deep sigh and unzipped his binder. [UNZIPPED HIS BINDER. Can you tell this was written a while ago?]

“Okay, everyone sit down, shut up, and listen closely. Now I know Morse is a photography school but not all your classes are photography and that’s where I come in. I’m Mr. McFadden, your new biology teacher. From the students who were here last year, you may not know me [NO ONE KNOWS YOU! You’re new this year!] If I don’t get everyone’s names right, correct me.” He said aloud, picking up the attendence sheet, “Madiline Altman?”

A blonde girl wearing a short jean skirt and a light pink tank top rose her hand high into the air and prenounced “Present.” She had her flirtatious smile, a white head band keeping her hair back and large blue eyes. [So she’s Barbie?] She had that cheerleading aura about her. [What kind of aura is that exactly?]

He looked at her briefly and checked off her name. Samus looked at Mr. McFadden for a while, studying his long looking nose and “harvard law” appearance. [Damn, what is with all the Harvard hatin’?] Then he leaned over towards Lila.

“I’m getting vibes from him and they aren’t good.”

“Drop it.” she remarked, examining the lense on her camera. He looked at her closing and opening the lense.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, his brown eyes filled with confusion. [For the record, I HATE when guys ask that question.] She dropped the camera into her lap and stared at him trying to be serious.

“We are juniors this year, Sam, we practically rule this school. [Not really.] I’m not about to let you ruin my year because you think our science teacher is weird,” she whispered. Then she slid a picture out of her binder and handed it to him. “Senior year of high school, we planted the entire hallway with booby traps. [What?] You, me, and Taylor got in so much trouble for putting the burping powder in the water fountain water.” [W- WHAT?] He smiled and held the picture closer.

water fountain

“Boy, Mrs. Sicile wasn’t happy when Madaline went to ask her about the homework and belched in her face.” Lila let out a giggle and looked at him in the eye.

“Think about this,” she said, pointing to the picture, “Not this.” She tapped the science book. [So, think about goofing off like a moron instead of concentrating on your studies. Brilliant advice.] Samus let out another sigh and couldn’t help but smile.

“Alright, I’ll back you. But anything funny, anything remotely of weirdness [?]…” he simulated a punch hitting his fist. [What? What is this strange sudden hatred for the new biology teacher? I don’t understand!]

“Samus Martix,” Mr. McFadden tried to prenounce. “Did I say that right?” [First of all: Samus. The lead HEROINE of Metroid Prime. I named my male character after a female hero and a popular one at that. Second: his last name is “matrix” with the “t” and “r” switched. He’s basically Morpheus in a space suit. With boobs. Man boobs. Moobs… Moving on.]

samus (1)

“Yeah,” Samus said in the front row. He checked the name off and read the next name. “Lila Pullman.” he asked looking for the person.

“Here.” Lila said. His attention turned to her.

“Oh, Miss The-Sun’s-So-Bright-I-Can’t-See. [*silent inconceivable rage. My mouth is moving in neverending “WTF” mode though no sounds are escaping.] You look like you’re going to be trouble.” He said, a smile rising on his face. [Seriously, dude. Harassment much?]

“We shall see.” she answered, tapping her pencil on the desk. His grin widened on his face as he read off the other names.

“Now tell me you aren’t going to go on and flirt with this guy,” Samus interrupted her thoughts, whispering with urgency. [THANK YOU. ] He’s like 29 or 28, maybe even thirty.”[OH GOD! NOT THIRTY! ANYTHING BUT THIRTY!]

“And I’m 23, going on 24 in a month. [More like 23 going on stupid.] The only difference in our age at the most would be 6 years.”

“The only difference…” he mumbled, staring back at the picture.

SOOOO, looks like our protagonist is a bimbo who lusts after somewhat older men, preferably her professors. Samus is jealous and is ready to put a serious hurting on our “Harvard Law-looking” prof. And really…Moobs. Find out what happens next time on Horror-FAIL Friday!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s